You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
