Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
