ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
