you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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