Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
