judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
