Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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