Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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