I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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