I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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