There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
