just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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