may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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