You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
