Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
