I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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