Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Green mimosas i think yes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're a disaster
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