He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
