She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
