Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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