he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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