i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize