Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
handjob tips. give me some.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
