and you said cock pushups were impossible
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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