there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
