Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
