addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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