I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
