I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
