worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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