Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
