You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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