Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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