Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
