in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Girls should come with a carfax report
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
