last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
