We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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