Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
