I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
