Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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