I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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