I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
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I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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