This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
