there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize