Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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