All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
