so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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