Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
