look no pants
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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