I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
