Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
