you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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