I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
bring money and cleavage
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
