I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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