i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
