youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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