dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
