oh god the rape fog is back!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
