so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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