During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
