This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
