Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
