i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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