God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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