The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Every concussion has its silver lining
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
