i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
